Tag Archives: embarrassment

We’ll Lead You Astray…

Photo taken by me in Kung Fu Necktie, Philadelphia.

“We’ll lead you astray,” she said.

He picked up his beer and turned to face her. “Oh really?”

She laughed a bit.

“Hi, I’m Rob.” He reached out his hand.

“Sally,” she said with a smile.

“So, go ahead. Lead and I’ll follow.”

She turned to her friend next to her and whispered something, and she whispered back. He started to lose his confidence. But she was the one who spoke first. She removed her cardigan and started rolling the plaid sleeves of her shirt. He noticed the tip of some cleavage peeking out of the tank she wore underneath. The band started playing which should have ended the conversation, but he persisted.

“So what do you do?”

“I’m a teacher!”

“Teacher by day, hipster by night?”

“I’m not a hipster,” she frowned.

He laughed. “I was kidding.”

He paused, making it awkward.

“Are you here to see Those Darlins, or one of the openers?”

“Darlins!” she yelled. She turned to her friend again.

“I love them, aren’t they great!”

“Yeah!” she yelled back. “Love them…saw them in Jersey a few weeks ago.”

“Nice!” he said with a smile.

The band was especially loud as she yelled something to him and he could not hear.

“Huh?”

She yelled it again and he still couldn’t hear her.

“Reading what?” he yelled to her.

She pointed at something over his shoulder, and he turned to see a lit up sign that said “We’ll Lead You Astray”.

A Million Clams

They walked over to the algae-covered jetty as a wave splashed off the rocks and into her face. He laughed.

“Shut up,” she said, wiping the salt water from her eyes. “Wise ass.”

As he went to step over the rocks, he stopped and leaned down to look between them.

“Wow, look at this!”

Between the rocks the ocean had somehow sifted millions of baby clams out of the sand and into deep puddles of shellfish.

“What is it?” she said approaching him.

“It’s clams, millions of clams.”

“The tiny ones we kept seeing along the beach?”

“Yup. Ew, look at them all trying to dig at once.”

She leaned in to see the piles moving almost in unison, little tonguelike appendages sneaking out from between the shells and reaching around searching for sand in which to dig.

“They’re moving together, that’s weird!” she said. He agreed.

They sat on the rocks, mesmerized by the eerie motion of the millions of clams as if one giant body.

That’s when he saw it coming and stood up. She wasn’t as quick. The wave came smashing between the rocks and sprayed her again right in the face.

He laughed.

“Thanks” she said, wiping the water from her face once more.

“Any time,” he said with a sly smile.

Zippers, Buttons and Other Clothing Containment Devices

She slammed into her seat across from me with a look of horror on her face.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.  Something.  I made the whole trek to work, my hallway, the courtyard where I saw my neighbor I have a crush on, the walk to the subway, the subway – which was really crowded this morning by the way, the four blocks to our building and then our lobby – all with my zipper down.”

I laughed out loud – I couldn’t help it.  A look of pain crossed her face.

“It’s not that big a deal.  You wear underwear, you know.  And nobody notices that kind of thing anymore.”

“An old man did.”

I laughed again but this time tried to hide it with a quick cover up with my hand.

“Leave it to a senior citizen.  They’re always vigilant when it comes to buttons, zippers and other clothing containment devices.”

She looked unamused so I wiped the smile off my face.

“It’s these stupid jeans.  The zipper never stays up.”

“Then why wear them?”

“Have you seen my ass in them?”

I started to laugh, but then thought better of it and nodded.  She really did look good in those jeans.  She got up.

“Okay, I better go to work now.  Humiliation aside, I have work to do.”

As she went to leave I cleared my throat and she turned.

“Um…your zipper is down again.”